Jokes / Idoits

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More Darwin Awards! ->

THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Ans... [all ->]

My Car was stolen!!! ->

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. The police were dumbfounded and dispatched an officer to the scene. Howev... [all ->]

Nice Parrot ->

There was a man who traveled all around the world. Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her. On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages. He immediately bought it and sent it home ... [all ->]

No Smoking Here ->

A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar. The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.." A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here." The owne... [all ->]

Off the cliff! ->

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.... [all ->]

Officer Involved Shooting ->

An old lady noticed that she was about out of gas and pulled her car into the nearest self-service gas station. She forgot to put out the cigarette she was smoking as she began to pump her gas, so she flicked it away. A spark landed on her hand an... [all ->]

One Wish ->

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under blazing heat, for 6 d... [all ->]

Oops! ->

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screams. "Well, you don't have th... [all ->]

Paint the Porch ->

Hobo shows up at the front door of a grand mansion. The owner comes to the door. Hobo says, "Sir, I am down on my luck and ask if you could please spare me a meal?" The owner stared at the hobo for a minute and then broke out in a lambasting such ... [all ->]

Phone Number ->

Ring Ring... Hello, who is it? Is your phone number 13498732? No. So, why do you pick up the phone?... [all ->]

Ready for Society? ->

A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him fir... [all ->]

Real idiots of society! ->

Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society: Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his... [all ->]

Sightings Of Sharp Individuals ->

Sighting #1: I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the ... [all ->]

Somebody flunked elf school... ->

5-year-old Nicholas was sitting on a department store Santa's lap and told him, "My name's the same as yours." Santa's helper blows his cover when he says, "Well, hello, Harold!"... [all ->]

Stand up nuts! ->

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager of the club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Director said: "If I prove to you how well behaved the... [all ->]