Jokes / Idoits

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A-fishin' We Will Go... ->

Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guar... [all ->]

At the crazy farm! ->

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the... [all ->]

At the shoe store... ->

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pul... [all ->]

Betting ->

There were two guys sitting in a plane. The one guy says lets play a game, I'll ask you a question if you get it right I give you 5 dollars. So the other guy says fine if you get it right, I give you 50 dollars, if you get it wrong you give me 5. ... [all ->]

Blind man ->

I was walking into the store the other day when I saw this blind man an his seeing eye dog. Suddenly, the man grabs the dogs leash, and starts swinging the dog around his head. I walked up and said " Hey, what the hell are you doin"? The blind man... [all ->]

By the Lantern Light ->

The crofter's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." ... [all ->]

Camping with Sherlock Holmes ->

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!" "I see millions of st... [all ->]

Clear Weather? ->

As a couple sat in the living room, watching TV, the phone rang. The husband picked it up, listened for a moment and then screamed, "Damn it! How should I know? Call the weather bureau!" and hung up. "What was that all about?" wife asked. "A... [all ->]

Cliffhanger ->

Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply. "Okay Rodge," shouted ... [all ->]

Coach Wants A Raise ->

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't... [all ->]

Computer Problem ->

"Good Afternnoon, Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disapp... [all ->]

Darwin Awards ->

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. And now, for this year's... [all ->]

Darwin Awards- 1999 ->

DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: #1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of ... [all ->]

Diving Deep ->

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went... [all ->]

Do you need a sign? ->

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." It's like before my wife ... [all ->]