Jokes / Miscellaneouss
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Some Whimsical Sayings ->
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Every morning is the dawn of a new error... ... [all ->]
Some Words of Wisdom ->
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor s... [all ->]
Stressed out?...try these! ->
If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it... Dance naked in front of your pets. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed... [all ->]
Tee Shirt Lines ->
"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" "I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead" "Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat" "Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton" "Just Give Me Chocolate and ... [all ->]
Temperatures ->
60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming... [all ->]
The good, bad, and ugly! ->
* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids * Bad: You can't find your birth control pills * Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them * Good: Your son studies a lot in his room * Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. * Ugly: You're in th... [all ->]
The Mom Dictionary! ->
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children wil... [all ->]
The World's Shortest Books ->
25. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson 24. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres 23. "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton 22. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert 21. Human Rights Advances in China 20. "Thi... [all ->]
The World's Shortest Books ->
25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson 24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION 23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres 22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT 21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA 20. THING... [all ->]
Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn ->
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meet... [all ->]
Think about it! ->
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower. You have the righ... [all ->]
Too much Coffee ->
You know you're drinking too much coffee when... You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You... [all ->]
Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels ->
10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age" 9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back" 8. "Here's Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon" 7. "Vacuumstarter" 6. "The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office" 5. "The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk... [all ->]
Top Twenty Oxymorons ->
Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons... #20 Found missing #19 Resident alien #18 Airline food #17 Same difference #16 Government organization #15 Sanitary landfill #14 Alone together #13 Business ethics #12 Sweet sorrow #11 Military... [all ->]
Top10 Rules for dating my daughter ->
Rule One If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything... [all ->]